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Hi, everyone. And welcome back to Happy Hour. 欢迎回来酒馆. Hi, 安澜.

Hi, Lulu, hi, everyone.

Can I propose a topic?

Yeah, of course,

It might be a bit random, but...

Probably is.

Recently in a lot of the reality TV shows in China, there seems to be... there's sort of plot line where you get brothers sisters, especially little kids like they were fighting and they're having some sort of conflicts and you see the parent’s reaction to them. I thought today let's talk about siblings, brothers, sisters, and all the drama.

Oh okay, Yeah. Well the thing is, I guess with this, I would probably be taking more the lead because I actually have a sibling.

Oh Yeah, I mean this is why if we are both the only child in the family, then I wouldn't have picked you to do this episode.

Oh yeah.

所以今天我们就来聊聊siblings, 就是兄弟姐妹.

I mean growing up, I always kind of fantasized about having a sibling, especially having like an older brother who could protect me, take care of things. Like if I get bullied at school, I would turn to him and he's gonna beat the bad boys up for me.

Okay. Well to be honest, I was the younger brother.

Yeah, I know.

I have an older sister.

I think the whole younger brother, older sister and younger sister, older brother dynamics are very, very different.

Very, very different. So for example, my older sister is 7 years older than me. So When I was growing up, she was a little bit like a mum to me.

7 years is it that much of a difference?

Yeah, it is quite a big difference.

Well I guess, when you were born, your older sister was already  old enough to understand a lot of things. oh yeah. Did your parents tell your older sisters like this is your little brother, now you take care of him.

Well, not like my parents just ignored me and they kind of went on holiday, no, but it was a little bit like that. So it was my parents told my older sister, okay, this is your younger brother. You got to look after him as well. So think about it this way. When I was 3 years old, she was ten. And when I was a teenager, she was already in her 20s.

I only had cousins with that kind of age difference, but then again cousins you're never really that close because you don't have to live under the same roof. Now do you know that in Chinese we have like a  saying or we have a phrase called “扶弟魔”?

No, what does that mean?

Okay, it’s a play on word, it sounds like Voldemort（伏地魔 ）but it's not, it literally is 扶弟 as in you support your brother, 魔as in you're a fanatic, so this is to describe women, older sisters that are really doting on their younger brother to the point that they put everything they want first so much to the point that they are jeopardizing their own relationships or their own future.

Well, my sister didn't exactly do that, but to be honest, my sister still dotes on me. It doesn't really matter how old I am. I'm still her baby brother and she always look at me like that.

Yeah, but do you enjoy it? Is it like, I like the fact that she's doting on me? Or more like I'm a grown up now, you know I know things you don't have to baby me anymore.

Well, I would say our relationship has become a lot more equal. But in the past, I would say that I quite enjoyed it because she would just do everything if I asked her for something she would do it for me. So I did take a bit of advantage of that.

But before you think 安澜 is just someone who takes, takes, takes, based on our previous conversation, I know for a fact that you also dote on your sister.

Oh Yeah.

Okay, so now let's get back to the topic in general, in English, there is a phrase called sibling rivalry.

Yes. So this is the competition between brothers and sisters or brothers and brothers and sisters and sisters, sibling rivalry.

Do you believe that siblings definitely have some form of rivalry between them? One way or another?

To a certain extent, yes, I would say there is a certain degree of rivalry, particularly for attention. So you want to get more attention from your parents. There's also a little bit of comparison as well. So for example, if one sibling is doing better than another sibling, then I would say there is that as well.

I mean this is like when I was growing up, obviously it's a very common thing to compare me to other people's kids. In Chinese, we say 别人家的孩子, it's like kids from like other people's kids always better.

They're always better behaved, they got better grades that sort of thing. But if you have a sibling and your sibling is like a straight A student, then you basically have 别人家的孩子 living in your home.

Well yeah. And I would say it really depends on the parents how they manage it. So for example, one of the most common complaints is favoritism.

Oh yeah, but parents don't want to admit it, but they do have favorites. I believe every parent has a favorite for whatever reason.

Yes and no. I would say that when it comes to siblings, if a parent has lots and lots of children, then probably they would feel closer to one child because of the personality. So for example, if they share the same interests, for example, the same outlook.

Or you know it could be as the kids got older, especially after they become adults. I think usually they would think fondly weirdly of the kid that is further away.

Oh yeah.

But the kid that is with them all the time or very frequently they tend to pick at, they tend to notice more the flaws.

I live in china, you must be the golden boy, well yeah, but that's because I live 5,000 miles away probably.

You can't really annoy them.

Not really.

Yeah. The other thing that I guess it's also like the order of birth. I think especially for a family with multiple kids, I your parents only had you and your older sister, but those families with three or even more kids. I've heard this whole thing about the first baby, parents were overwhelmed. They would take all the pictures, the videos, the first step, the first word, everything so exciting. But then the second child they're like nah.

There is an idea of middle child syndrome.

There's an actual thing, yeah. Middle child syndrome, what is that?

So middle children may feel like they're left out or overlooked because the older child gets a lot of attention because they are the first, but then again, they also have to shoulder a lot more responsibility, so they have to help look after their younger siblings. But the younger child is traditionally seen as the more spoiled one.

Well, the baby girl,  the baby boy of the family.

The baby of the family because they'll have their other siblings looking after them, the parents would feel more relaxed by probably the third or fourth child.

So the idea that the baby of the family, the last child, the youngest child is a little bit spoiled, but obviously that's not always the case.

Now do you think being the younger sibling, little brother has affected or in some way shaped part of your personality?

I would say so, I was given a lot of attention when I was a kid and I quite like the attention I get now. I quite like it when people pay attention to me.

Well, do more live stream then.

I knew you’re gonna say that.

You know I just can't... I mean I talk to people with siblings. I even talked to people from big families, multiple kids, for example, I talked to my parents who were both from multiple children family, but you know talking with people and actually feeling that the growing up in a multiple children household is very very different.

Every single household is completely different. So it does depend a lot on the parents. It does depend a lot on the environment. So yes, psychologists have always trying to make generalizations.

Yeah, because if you think about it, both from real life experiences, I mean through other people or from all the books I've read or movies or TV shows I've watched or even including reality shows. You kind of notice that in a multiple children household, the oldest whether it's a man or a woman, the oldest child seems to be the responsible, the one that is taking care of everything, maybe it sometimes this person can be... the oldest sibling can be a little bit overbearing, can be a bit bossy. But they're also the one who's shouldering the most responsibilities like you said.

So they tend to be also a bit calmer, because they kind of have to; and the younger child, the youngest, usually, they tend to be the spoiled and they tend to be rebellious as well. They tend to do things without thinking too much about other people's reactions, how it affects other people. But the middle child seems to be the forgotten one.

Yeah. There's the idea of being stuck in the middle and playing second fiddle so that they are less important or feel less important. But then again, I've also heard that middle children are very good at compromise and negotiation because they have their parents, they have their older sibling...

Good at compromising just sounds a bit sad. What's your special skill? I'm good at compromising and taking a step back.

Well, but sometimes it's useful.

Yeah, but remember I said growing up I wanted an older brother, but then I also subsequently saw some of my friends having an older sister like a girl having an older sister, their older sisters always seem to be the picture of a perfect child.

Okay.

Who's always there for the parents. They follow in the footsteps of their parents or they just do everything parents expect them to do, which allow the second child, allow the younger sister to be as rebellious as idealist as they wanna be, the dreamer that they wanna be. And for me, it is... I always feel like if I had an older sister, I could have been a lot more rebellious.

I think you've been pretty rebellious so far.

But I mean I still have the older sibling in me as well. The one who's ultimately responsible.

I guess you do have a certain point there. I live in China now,and one of the reasons why I can live in china is because I do have an older sister who takes care of my parents, well, our parents.

And she lives very close to them. She is there to support them. She has her own family, but she also is looking after my parents as well.

Yeah, but you also... I've heard you talk about her off the record, I mean you also do feel rather grateful to your sister about that.

I do feel incredibly grateful to my sister and I try to tell her as much as I can because it's not easy. And I can't imagine what it would be like to be an only child and facing that situation.

Well, just talk to me about it. Yeah.

All right. But all of these, whether it's sibling rivalry, whether it's you feel left out or that you have to be the one who's taking responsibility of the entire family. I think it all boils down to one thing that in English people say “blood is thicker than water”, which we have exactly the same “血浓于水”.

Yes, so on that note, I just want to say, thank you, Lisa. I love you, sis.

That's adorable. I would say when you actually see her again, just treat her to something or just take care of the responsibilities so that your sister can take a break, take a day off.

I will do.

All right. And leave us a comment in the comment section if you have sibling or wanted a sibling like I did, let us know, and also put in your request for whatever topics that you want us to talk about.

So until next time,

We'll see you next time.

Bye

Bye.

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文稿校对：王全勤&Jenny

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