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Hi, everyone and welcome back to Happy Hour, 欢迎回来酒馆. Hi, 安澜.

This does have social consequences as well.

I mean, in theory, this is great because everything's so efficient, but the downside is people instead of feeling that we are spoiled for choices, a lot of us feel exhausted, burnt out.

Exactly, because there's so much out there and you feel like you have to have it all, and you can't and it's not good to have it all or want it all.

So for example, with money, with shopping, there's that cycle of impulse spending, impulse buying, and then you run out of money. So the choices are limitless, but your money is very, very much limited.

You know it's kind of like our brain is addicted. It’s on drugs. This sounds like a drug abuse.

Well, it is. And the problem is it affects us on much deeper levels. So for example, job hopping is a good sign of this, because some people and I've met people like this, the first sign of boredom in a new job, they want the high of a new role.

Actually, starting our own business, being an entrepreneur创业这个事儿, it’s…I've met people who are starting their business, but they seem to have this glorified idea of meeting with investors, you know selling the pitch, and then I don't know, going for IPO and like 敲钟, you know they focus on the glory.

Well, exactly.

Yeah, the gratification.

There's lots of entrepreneurs who I've met, who, they think that being an entrepreneur, owning your own business is sitting in a cafe all day long on your computer, in reality, being an entrepreneur actually is sitting in your pajamas all day, because you can't even be bothered. You don't have the time to even wash.

Yeah, there's so much “dirty work” instead of the sexy highlight work.

But, the thing that I find rather sad is relationships are now suffering.

That’s true.

Because we're trained for instant validation, instant gratification. So for example, if you're friends with someone, do you give up on a friendship if there's a problem or even if you are in a romance, even if you're dating someone, you know, because you feel like I can just go on the APP, find someone else.

Exactly, when you hit a roadblock, before people used to want to work on it.

Yeah.

But now it's just like, ok next one.

That's the thing, by always going for an instant gratification, we thought we could be happier because it's just faster and more efficient and more gratifying.

Precisely.

But the actual fact is that we will never really enjoy the real joy brought by delayed gratification, knowing that you've earned it, I think that's the main thing. Have you earned it or not .

Precisely. I like to think I still have that, that feeling of ok, I've worked hard, I deserve a reward or I deserve a break. I'm a little bit nervous because I feel that's getting weaker and weaker.

Oh really?

To a certain extent ,yeah.

Any specific examples?

For example, before like maybe working for a few hours would be enough for me to say, oh ok, I'm going to have like a break, I'm going to get myself a coffee, have a biscuit type of thing. But now I want to break every 15 minutes or I want to go on my phone. So the moment I finished like one thing is like ok, I'm gonna go on my phone.

To reward myself.

To reward myself.

Yeah. And I also think that this is partially the reason why so many people get addicted to games.

Oh yeah.

Because games they are designed to offer you instant gratification.

Precisely.

Yeah, every stage clear, every mission accomplished, quest completed.

Yeah.

And with the ding ding ding, with the... all of these结算画面they’re to stimulate your brain and knowing that you've accomplished something.

Exactly. So it's an artificial sense of accomplishment.

Yeah, but then if it's only that we're impatient, that's still okay. But then there's the anxiety.

Yeah.

If your threshold is sky high, normal quiet life can feel unbearably boring.

Well yeah, and that's the thing, boredom is not a bad thing. This is an idea that is being pushed nowadays. The idea that being bored is natural. We are bored at times. There are some things that we find boring and that's something that a lot of people, a lot of experts are now encouraging us to embrace again.

Yeah, the other day I saw like an expert speaking for HBR- Harvard Business Review, and he is talking exactly about that, that we need to feel bored.

Mhm.

But the other day I was also reading an article that says now we carry in our pocket a mobile Las... a portable Las Vegas that keeps us entertained, keeps us away from any second of boredom, 24/7.

Well exactly.

Yeah. So I think we talked about the definition of framework. We talked about the why, we explored the why, and now I think it's time to talk about some coping mechanism.

Ok.

Like how do we find more sustainable joy? How do we avoid being helpless like I feel.

Okay, well. One of the easiest ways is, well I say easiest because it's actually quite difficult is try a dopamine detox.

I've heard of digital detox什么数码戒断. What is the dopamine detox?

So time on social media, you only go on social media at set times, you mute your notifications, you don't shop at certain times. It's not about punishing yourself, but it's about resetting your sensitivity, so that if you do go on it, then it is actually a big thing. It is something to be enjoyed.

So it’s like reset your meter.

Yeah, pretty much.

And I would say along with that you can also try to cultivate slow joy. Well now there's this slow eating, the slow food, slow life movement, right?

Yeah.

So it's like actively seek activities with a slow reward curve. I know you're going to say gardening.

Yeah, gardening is a good one; Learning an instrument, if you're musical, I'm not; baking bread.

I'm doing knitting, crocheting.

And…Ok what I do is rather sad.

Ok, sadder than knitting and crocheting?

For my slow joy, what I do is either one, I do puzzles; or two, I actually do translation.

From what to what?

So Chinese to English or Latin to English. So I just kind of choose like a passage and I translate it, so I write out the passage and then I translate it.

And you do that for fun,right?

I do that for fun because it's something that you feel a sense of gratification from. But it's very slow because you're writing it all out, you're having to really think about it. And I really enjoy that.

As a language nerd, I totally understand, I totally get that.

It is a lot of fun.

It's so nerdy, but I totally get that.

Yeah.

I sometimes do from like Japanese to Chinese.

Yeah, that type of thing.

Yeah, so the slow joy and of course I'm a huge puzzle head.

Yeah.

I do… I'm into puzzles. And also remember earlier on you said boredom is good. So instead of seeing boredom as a bad thing, that you're trying to kill time, you're trying to get rid of boredom, see it kind of like a reflection or even incubation period.

Yep. Boredom is where creativity and self reflection are born. Because you are bored and your mind starts to wonder your mind starts to think. That's actually one of the reasons why I love traveling so much. Particularly the process like if I'm sitting on a train or if I'm on a plane, I just end up getting a little bit bored and thinking. I really enjoy that feeling.

For me, it's not so much boredom, but if I'm left with my thoughts, I'll go crazy. I have a lot of dark thoughts.

Ok.

That's the problem. Well, the other thing is, I would say the 10-minute rule.

Yeah.

I think I started trying that because we have so much impulse actions like an impulse purchase or distraction.

Yeah.

So for example, before if I saw something and I wanted it, I would have bought it right then and there, but then later felt like heh-meh. So now I make myself wait, like ten, fifteen minutes, and this I think I read it somewhere, it actually helps break the automatic dopamine loop.

Well yeah.

And let’s our rational brain weigh in.

Exactly, you put it in the shopping basket, then you go back to it. I do that myself.

Yeah. I think that really, there are a lot of things that you can do, which I'm sure our audience also have things to share. But I think the whole point is going from a quick consumer of fast and easy happiness to like a cultivator of contentment of real happiness.

Yeah, so I want to emphasize that we're not saying that modern technology is bad. We're not saying that all of these apps, all of these short form videos are terrible. You should avoid them. No, because they are fun, they are good if they give you pleasure, but the main thing is if they give you pleasure, so if they are taking the pleasure away from other parts of your life, then yeah, that's an issue.

Yeah.

But it's about enjoying something within limits.

Yeah.

Because nowadays with the world the way it is, there are no limits, there are never gonna be enough short form videos, there are never gonna be enough articles, there are never gonna be enough games or books or whatever. So it's about enjoying the ones that you have.

Yeah. So after this talk about happiness threshold, about the hedonic treadmill, the dopamine loop and all the concepts and solutions, now it’s your turn, what's something you've done recently that was pure delayed gratification or confess what is your biggest instant gratification vice? Ok, how do you manage, do you have any tips to share?

Leave us a comment in the comment section or put in your request for what you want us to talk about next.

So until next time.

We'll see you next time.

Bye

Bye.

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文稿校对：梅薇薇 & Jenny

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