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Hi, everyone and welcome back to Happy Hour. 欢迎回来酒馆. Hi, 安澜.

Hi, Lulu. Hi, everyone.

Now let's move on to talk about cuffing in action. I'm sure we've both done that, or we've seen friends doing that.

Dating apps become very, very popular.  So there is evidence to suggest that dating APP use goes up quite dramatically.

You would think it's... when the spring comes, when animals come back in heat, but actually for humans, it’s when... it's colder outside.

Well exactly. So there is the idea that people become a bit less picky as well.

Oh, you settle.

Yeah, so you could say it moves from finding “the” one to finding “a” one.

For the next few months.

For the next few months, at least.

I know it's horrible to say, but honestly, if someone you only met a couple of times,  nothing ever happened. You feel like he or she is not attracted to you. But when the first cold snap, it drops like 10℃ in temperature and then they contact you, you are probably being chosen for that cuffing season. You can just go with the flow really.

Well exactly.  I would say there is a certain degree of you need a contract.

It's not a real contract, but it's almost like an unspoken contract. First of all, you have the cozy clause. So you agree to be each other's cuddle buddy, right?

Cuddle buddy?

Isn't that what people want for their cuffing season?

Sounds horrible.

Someone to cuddle with. I don't think it's a pure sort of libido thing. It's really searching for companionship. You probably really just want to stay cuddled up with someone watching a crap movie, drinking hot cocoa or mulled wine.

That actually does sound fun.

That does sound really nice.

Then you have the holiday plus one clause. So you will attend parties and family gatherings together. But I would say it depends on how well they like each other or how well the relationship is going. But generally, there's always a sort of understanding that this might be temporary.

Like any contract, this is going to end.

Yeah.

It's going to reach its term. And the end date, usually it's unstated. It's not really like we say, all right, our relationship will end coming spring, March the 1st. No, it's just like gradually you will just become distant.

Well, yeah.

When the weather gets warmer again.

Yeah,exactly.

And you understand this person is not the one. It's one for a few months

Exactly. So the birds fly back and you go and join them.

You fly away.

You fly away.

I know this sounds horrible, but I think it goes really deep into human beings want companionship. But in this day and age, it is so difficult to find someone who is your real match.

Well, I would say so. Because nowadays we have so many options and I would say people always are trying to find the one, like the perfect person. And the thing is, it's...

It’s not such thing.

It’s an illusion.It’s an illusion of choice that because you have access, particularly if you got a dating app.

Yeah.

You got access to.

Gazillions...

Hundreds of people. Well, gazillions, you think very highly of yourself.

I'm a woman. Yeah, this is how these such apps work.

Oh Ok.

If you got hundreds then I will get gazillions.

Ok, well. Maybe hundreds is a bit of an exaggeration for me, but the fact is you're always trying to look for the perfect one because you always feel like the perfect one is just around the corners.

Exactly.

Just like one swipe away.

But human connection, in any form is actually very rare and really should be cherished.

It is. Exactly. So with that in mind, let's go through how to cuff responsibly.

How to cuff responsibly. You make it sound so bad.

Well.

No, because you make it sound like we're cuffing someone.

Well, yeah. But yes and no. Because the fact is that these type of relationships can be temporary.

Yeah.

So one person might actually fall in love. The other is just there for a few months.

The mismatched expectations can cause a lot of heartaches. I've seen people, it didn't really happen to me, but I've seen people who were getting into some sort of a cuffing season arrangement. They were on the same page, they had this mutual agreement like it's not gonna be the one. It's not gonna be a long lasting, steady relationship.

Yeah.

But then one of them falls way deeper.

Oh yeah.

And coming spring the other person was like, look, we talked about this. This was never going to last, but the other person said but everything changed. It didn't really change for me.

Well, yeah, and it can be painful when that happens. And also not just from that perspective because people become less picky, shall we say?

Yeah.

They might start ignoring red flags like they might start going with somebody who is really not good for them, just because they don't want to be alone.

Yeah, for example people with addictions.

Yeah.

People who can be abusive even.

And because again, you're looking for a one rather than the one. And if you are trying to settle to that extent, then you might be with somebody who is really not good for you.

Exactly. And I think you have that sort of added false safety net thinking he or she is not gonna be the one I ended up with anyways. So it's just for the cuffing season and then you ignore a lot of the red flags or usual deal breakers for you.

Precisely.

So I would say to combat that, or to cope with that, the things that you really need to do is perhaps communicate.

Well, yeah.

Just be honest about what your intentions are, what your needs are, and negotiate or talk to this... whether it's temporary or long-term partner about what you want.

Yeah. So is it just a winter fling or are you looking for something more?

Actually that's the first time I heard winter fling because it's usually a summer fling or a holiday fling.

Well. This is essentially a winter fling.

Yeah, by the way a fling is a short relationship, usually just fun, casual.

Yes.

And of course, just like we said. Don't ignore red flags.

No. So if somebody is bad, they're bad, no matter what time of the year is. And also there is an alternative.

Okay.

Cuff your friends.

Why are you looking at me?

I'm not looking at you. So for example...

My sofa is for me and my cat.

Have, have a trip with your friends. Go to parties with your friends and also just hug your friends as well. It doesn't necessarily have to be romantic.

I mean, to be completely honest, I beg to differ, because with friends it only works if your friend is also on the same page.

Yeah, well, same as romantic cuffing.

Yeah, but at least when you're trying to romantically cuff someone, they are also looking for that.

Well, yeah.

But friends they might prefer to be alone or they might actually be secretly dating and then therefore don't want to waste their time on you. Friends are...

That's why you communicate with them. You don't kind of like suddenly kind of like break into your friend's house and start hugging them. Again, it’s an alternative, it's an alternative.

I'm here bearing mulled wine.

Exactly.

Actually, if I knock on your door and say, here I am bearing mulled wine and a really bad movie.

I would say, come on in. That sounds like a lot of fun. Let's do that.

Yeah. And also marshmallow.

Not a big fan of marshmallow, but...

Popcorn, oh you're not a big fan of popcorn.

We'll think of something.

Yeah.

Bring more mulled wine.

Yeah, ok. So before we end today's topic, I just want to ask you. So 安澜, what about you? Have you ever dabbled with cuffing season activities?

To a certain extent, yeah. I have had a cuffing season once or twice. It was generally like a short-term thing. And I wouldn't say it went as far as like spending Christmas or anything like that because I was... for me that is a huge family moment.

Yeah. Same here, I will not bring any casual date to meet my family. No.

No. So,but I would say that I have done cuffing season before like for example it's a bit cold and you know, there's a girl who I get on really well with and we might say, well, why don't you come over or I could go over there and we watch a movie or have a mulled wine.

Oh, yeah, don't look at me.

I'm not looking at you at all.

I'm occupied.

Really?

By my cat.

Exactly.

All right.

So, what about you?

Yeah, I mean cuffing season. I think winter is really my season.

Okay.

I like my fuzzy coats and my ear muffs and all that.

I have seen them.

I think I look better in winter anyways, like in summer everyone's sweaty I just don't want to go near people.

Ok.

Yean, I've done cuffing season a few times.

Yeah.

But to be honest, I think communication, like was mentioned in today's talk is very important. I don't think we necessarily need to really set, kind of a label on things. To be honest, a lot of the things, a lot of the relationships in life, be it friendship or romantic engagement, this happens naturally when you just communicate.

Well exactly. And I know that how we describe it sounds really cynical. But I also like to say that I've had some friends who they cuffed with someone for the winter and they're still very very happily together.

Yeah. So you never know.

You never know.

Yeah, so have you ever been in a cuffing season relationship? Was it a sweet seasonal fling or a total disaster.

Leave us a comment in the comment section or put in your request for whatever other things that you want us to talk about.

So until next time,

We'll see you next time.

Bye

Bye.

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